Zen Master Slacker Mommy's Guide to Letting Things Ride: Holiday Edition

Ho, ho, hold the phone!

There are either eleven more days until Christmas (I'm sorry, what?)

or...there are seven more days until the Mayan Apocalypse.

Hooray!

Either way, no worries, Zen Master Slacker Mommy has you covered.

Mayan Apocalypse

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

Egg nog, check.  Rum, check.  Comfortable pants, check.  Tiara, check.

That should cover it.

Christmas

Gifts are overrated.  People mostly just like the idea of a gift. Therefore I suggest giving fancy boxes with nothing inside except for a single word typed on a small slip of white paper: 'Happiness.'  Then you can say, "I am giving you the gift of happiness.  You can thank me later."

People, particularly your kids, will love it.

Gift packaging is also overrated.  Who really remembers your candy cane and glitter embellished handcrafted wrapping from last year?  I'll tell you who, no one.  Buy gift bags at the dollar store, add tissue paper.  Toss in a single word typed on a small slip of white paper.  Done.

I suggest buying wine in boxes this time of year so you don't run out.  Nothing puts the fun into dysfunctional like the holidays.

If you don't drink wine, try meditation.

Hahahahahahaha.

If meditation doesn't work, the world just might be ending 3 days before Christmas, so there's that upon which to hang your jaunty Santa Hat. 

If you don't feel like gifting this year, feel free to use the Mayan Apocalypse as your excuse.  I'm so sorry, I thought the world was ending!  Hold on one moment, I have something you're really going to love.  Write a single word on a post-it note and hand it to them and say in a very cheerful voice,  "Here you go!  I'm giving you the gift of happiness!  You can thank me later."

Decorations don't have to cost a lot of money, why not use things you already have around the house?

* Gather up the used facial tissues from your children's rooms and hot glue them to some sticks you gather from the yard. Add glitter! Arrange on mantle.  Done.  (Wait, maybe I'm the only one with a kid who tosses her used tissues around like confetti...)

*Write 'happiness' on a swath of post-it notes.  Add glitter.  Stick them everywhere!  Done.

*Dirty socks on the floor?  Hang them up on the mantle!  Add glitter.  Instant stockings!  Done.

*Front door looking bare?  Open the junk drawer.  Empty contents.  Grab hot glue gun.  Glue everything into a ring.  Spray paint gold. Add glitter and a big bow.  Hang it up. Done.

*Need a tree?  Cut a spindly branch from a tree in your yard.   Stick in a tree stand.  Add a few balls and a cut out cardboard glittered star.  Charlie Brown tree.  Done.

*When all else fails, add glitter.  And wine.  Did I mention wine?

Or meditation.

Hahahahahaha.

I have a small gift for you, and I think you're really going to like it.

"Happiness." 

Love
Madge